She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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