you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
