i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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