she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
zippers are such a cool invention
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
