What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
