having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
