the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
