The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize