Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
