a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
