Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Randomize
