I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
