I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
