he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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