I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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