I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
