I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
