Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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