so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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