Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
