So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
