He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
