He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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