Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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