Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
