Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
why is half of my head shaved?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
