no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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