Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
