I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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