Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
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