Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My hand turned me down
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize