We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
