The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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