I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
