oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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