He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
