I think I am morally bankrupt
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
