I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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