Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
