a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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