I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
