eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
