Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
