dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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