Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
