how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize