I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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