Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
