Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
