I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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