Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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