Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
