We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
