when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize