shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
