How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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