sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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