She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think pants incapable of making pants work
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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