Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
