Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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