Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
