Having a random hookup so left but love u
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
