I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
