I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
