Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
