so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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