Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
