Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
