winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize