he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You're a waste of cheezeits
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
