I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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