I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
