im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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