He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize