it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
