I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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