I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
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