It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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