Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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