This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
