Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
