if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
