well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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