dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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