He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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